Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
