i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
