Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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