He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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