his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
