Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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