He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
