I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize