They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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