I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
