too bad you live with your parents still
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize