dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
