At least make sure they are 18
Why
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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