You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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