You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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