They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
