Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
