you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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