can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish my penis had a tongue
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
