just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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