Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
