We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
