Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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