New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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