i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
