its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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