I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He felt like a one man threesome
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize