The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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