Will you blow on my dice?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
