Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
