i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
