Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
