dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
