Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
