You smell like stripper and shame
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
