O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My Higher Power is John Stamos
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
