good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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