Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you never un-have a 4some
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
