if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
