Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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