isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
