There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
one might say we're banned from that church
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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