2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
