Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Randomize
