I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
