just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
cat food counts as protein by the way
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
