I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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