Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
