He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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