Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize