if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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