??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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