I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
being pregnant is like rehab
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
