How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
