part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
