i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
