I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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