OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
