i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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