We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
