Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
