dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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