She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
