you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His nipple licking is glorious
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