Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
