I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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