I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
