he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Damn victory sex feels great
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
