Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
