My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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